Ensure that you have
an audience. There is absolutely
no point in being bucked off by your horse unless there are, oh say
around a hundred people to watch. This way, you will make them
better about their own inadequacies, and you won't have to go into
tedious detail explaining to everyone exactly how it happened. It is
considered good form if at least one of the audience members is
a. Someone you admire and want to impress; or
b. Someone you have the hots for and want to impress; or
c. Your best friend who will have no compunction in falling
over, laughing, and pointing.
Try to be spectacular. I mean, anyone can
just get bucked off and land on their backside, can't they? You want
to try to make this "the buck to end all bucks." The Titanic
of bucks. You get the picture. Now for this you will need the
following: an extremely acrobatic horse (one of those
twisty-turny jobbies last seen at the National Rodeo Championships);
a supple back (you should practice somersaults, pirouettes and
handstands at home); and a safety helmet (just in case).
Become "the person who learned to fly".
It is best if your horse's
buck comes at a time when everyone is watching you, yet not prepared
for what is to come. During a dressage test your horse should be
working nicely, giving no indication that you are about to become
"the person who learned to fly." Of course, experts at this will
point to the tail swishing, the ears twitching back, and the tension
around the nostrils, but they are show-offs and should be ignored.
To the uninitiated, this will look like a dramatic performance which
you and your horse have practiced at home.
Let out a blood-curdling yell.
When the horse leaves the ground, and launches you into the air like
a cannon ball, it is far more gratifying for the crowd if you can
let out a blood-curdling yell. Practice this at home. When the
local rangers knock on your door, asking if you are keeping a wild
cougar in your back yard, you will know you have it right.
Stay elevated in the air as long as possible.
If your arms and legs fly in impossible directions, as if
you were a rag doll, you will achieve additional marks for artistic
Land with a Thud!
the kind of dull thud kind that you hear when you drop a
melon from a great height. Try not to go "splat". It puts the
audience off their hamburgers.
Lie immobile as your horse runs off. After a
suitable time, raise your head and groan to your horse, "Are you