FROM MAIL ONLINE - WWW.DAILYMAIL.CO.UK   

The Tiny Horse that wants a Name for Christmas

By Daily Mail Reporter   November 2009

  

(Click on a picture to enlarge)

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT  -- Urgent Notice: Potential Danger of Horse Hair

In a press release today, the National Institute of Health has announced the discovery of a potentially dangerous substance in the hair of horses.  This substance, called "amobacter equuii" has been linked with the following symptoms in women:

* Reluctance to cook, clean or do housework.
* Reluctance to wear make-up, good clothes or heels.
* Reluctance to spend money on home or car repairs until after "baby has new shoes, pad, blanket, tack, grain,
   hay & supplements".

"Amobacter equuii" usually results in long hours away from home and exhaustion which may lead to a loss of physical contact with other humans (especially spouses).    It is thought to be addictive, driving the need for additional sources which may lead to a "herd mentality" or like the potato chip commercial, "you can't have just one". (Especially potent if infected from miniature equines)

Beware! If you come in contact with a female human infected by this substance, be prepared to talk about horses for hours.    Men infected with amobacter equii develop bow legs, quiet speech and a brim-shaped outline to the head. Other symptoms may include obsessive urge to chase wooden ball, foxhounds or cattle.    

Surgeon General’s Warning:    Horses are expensive, addictive, and may impair the ability to use common sense.  

Political Correctness & The Horse Community

The horse world is dreadfully guilty of political incorrectness. Citizens, we can fix this!

• From now on, the rider who came in 128th out of 127 competitors isn’t a major loser; he’s ribbon-deprived.

• We’ll refer to awful jumpers as potential dressage horses and horrid dressage horses will be called event prospects (oh, wait, we’ve been doing that for years anyway).

• Prominent horse people who go to jail for tax evasion are, um, ethically challenged.

• Judges who make stupid decisions are myopically magnificent.

• A twitch is a lip tourniquet.

• Instructors, refrain from telling any student that she has a bad seat. Instead, tell this rider that she has astronomical potential for butt improvement.

• A horse that always crashes through the jumps is merely in touch with his personal sense of gravity. Likewise, a bad mover isn’t an eggbeater with legs --- he’s kinetically challenged.

• A horse who won’t go forward is a whoa-overachiever.

• Waterlogged show grounds are humidity super-enriched.

• There! See what a positive place your barn can be?

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HORSE TRIVIA - Did you know?

The name of the legendary Lady Godiva's
horse was Aethenoth.

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HORSE POEMS

That hoss wasn't built to tread the earth
He took natural to the air
And every time he went aloft
He tried to leave me there.
-Anonymous

May your belly never grumble
May your heart never ache
May your horse never stumble
May your cinch never break
-Cowboy Blessing
 

Speak kindly to your little horse,
And soothe him when he wheezes,
Or he may turn his back on you,
And kick you where he pleases.
-Anonymous