1. I am human. You are horse.  What I say goes.  Please take that into consideration when you are standing on my foot.
2. Spilled grain is not "fair game", especially when it is spilled in another horse's stall.  It still belongs to that particular horse. You have no reason to go in and eat it.
3. Poop does not need to be hidden. I clean your stall every day.  I will Find it. Do not hide it.
4. I do not need your help when I clean the barn, nor do I need your supervision, or even your presence.  I have been cleaning the barn and stalls ever since you lived here.  I know what I am doing.  Standing at the door staring at me, will not make me clean faster.
5. There is no need to go into the barn and help yourself to the feed.  Meals Are given at specific times of the day.  There is a feed schedule.  You know the schedule.  I know you know the schedule.  You know that I know that you know the schedule.  There is no need to help yourself...
6. Water buckets are not toys. Neither is the gate, pitchfork, wheel barrow, whatever is in the wheel barrow, fence, or the occasional dog.
7. The wheel barrow is there for a reason.  Please do not try to move it while I am cleaning your stall.
8. Just because I go into the Barn doesn't mean you automatically get food.  There is other stuff in the barn.  Stuff you don't want -- like wormer, fly spray, shots, and medicine.
9. Sheath cleaning will NOT be enjoyed...by anyone.
10. Water travels through the hose.  If you are thirsty, do not stand on the hose.  The water buckets will fill much faster.
11. Not everything has to be high drama. None of the following things will kill you: fly spray, plastic bags, balloons, hoses, chipmunks and other small rodents, or bright blue tarps.
12. Although I understand the need for you to go to the bathroom, it is not necessary to hold it in all day until the moment I finish cleaning your stall and put away the wheel barrow.
13. Accidents happen. However, I'm not altogether sure you're not trying to kill yourself. Next time you decide to impale yourself on some sort of object, please try to do it when it's not hailing, midnight, the weekend, or Christmas.
14... While I appreciate your need to be clean, pooping in your water bucket does not make my job easier, and it deprives you of water.  Please find a new spot.
15. Whinnying as loudly as you can in my face does not make me feed you any faster.
16. I have to wait patiently too while you are having your shoes tacked on.  There is no need to bite me.

Surgeons General Warning:
Horses are expensive, addictive, and may impair the ability to use common sense.
 

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CROSS A DONKEY WITH A ZEBRA?

LATEST IN HORSEWEAR -- THE I.C.U. EYE PROTECTOR!

IT'S NEVER TO EARLY TO START BONDING WITH YOUR
HUMAN (OR VICE VERSA)

FROM F.E.I. - IN THE SPOTLIGHT EMAIL DATED FEBRUARY 22, 2008

"Great Outdoors, Waltzing Brumbies and Other Miscellaneous Bush Paraphernalia"

EVER SEE OR HEAR ABOUT A BRUMBY BEFORE?

THE BRUMBY -- AUSTRALIA'S 'OFFICIAL' WILD HORSE

The Brumby in all its shapes, sizes and forms, is another of Australia’s eccentric inhabitants, with friends like the long Footed Potoroo, the Spotted Tree Frog and the Mountain Pygmy Possum, you’re bound to be a bit special. Admittedly, the Brumby did arrive a little later, and does have many close relatives around the world although made quite a splash in Australia, as Brumbies are now considered to be the largest population of wild horses in the world. Let’s face it, it’s not hard to be over the top in the Australian outback, the iconic bush, where blueys, billies and billabongs are the norm…

And by the sounds of it, or by the looks of Banjo Patterson’s poetry, if you’re not a swagman, the man from Snowy River or Clancy of the Overflow, you may feel right out of place. It’s a far cry from Bondi Beach, Kakadu National Parks or the Sydney Opera House, it’s the untamable high country where another set of Australian myths and traditions of Australian identity were born.

Back to the Brumby - horses first arrived on the red continent with the first settlers but became Brumbys (or known as) at some point in the early 1800s. Why these wild horses would soon be known as Brumbies is debatable, although two explanations stand out:

The name "brumby" may have originated from the Aboriginal word "baroomby" meaning wild.

Or, the name "brumby" may have originated from references to horses which were released into the wild in the early 1800's by a certain James Brumby. Having arrived some time around 1791 he sailed to Tasmania in 1804 as part of a new settlement. He left horses behind which ran wild and were unable to be mustered, and who, legend has it, were known as Brumby's horses, or more simply as Brumby's when referring to his free-running horses, and later as brumbies.

However it was, it came into existence, the name "brumby" became part of the Australian language, and as it has stood the test of tradition, is now the official name of Australia's wild horse. Indeed, the domestic stock horses turned wild soon enough become an integral/essential part of the mystical landscape where "Banjo" found his inspiration.

Brumbies can generally be found in the bush and semi-desert and remote regions of Australia living in family mobs, as mobs of colts, as mobs of stallions, and as lone bachelor stallions. A family mob is generally made up of a dominant stallion, a lead mare, and other mares with their foals and yearling foals. A lead mare is a very dominant mare which will lead the mob. She will lead the mob to where feed is, or to water, and take the lead when there is a need to go somewhere at a canter. As a general rule, a mob may vary in size from two to say twelve. A common size is probably around five to seven. A strong stallion may have a large mob, while a weak one may have only one mare with her foal.

Given Australia’s dry climate, the law of survival of the fittest has definitely had an impact on the type of horse the Brumby is – a tough and hardy horse, curious but cautious and very varied, whether it be in terms of size, coloring, shape... Sizes can vary from small, about 12 hands, to quite large, say 16 1/2 hands. Brumbies are generally smaller than domestic horses though. There are even reports of Shetland pony brumbies in Australia. There are also some typical features, such as the U-neck (where the top of the neck is concave downwards), and the big head.

And if you can’t contain yourself any longer and need to Waltz Matilda, the lure and lore of the Bush have gotten to the better of you …

[Stage directions: Readers stand up and sing]

Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong,
Under the shade of a coolibah tree,
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled
"Who'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me?"

And if the picture fits, Banjo needn't have sung long for a curious Brumby or a mob of them to come a-Waltzing Matilda with him…
 

EVENTING HUMOR

10 CLUES YOU ARE HOOKED ON EVENTING

1.  You read the USEA Omnibus more often than the local newspaper.

2.  You're getting used to seeing yourself in a regulation crash helmet and even think you look good.

3.  You use your event watch instead of a timer while cooking.

4.  You have a recurring nightmare about arriving in a busy cross-country warm-up area without your medical armband and pinny.

5.  Your idea of a dream vacation is a long weekend at Badminton/Rolex/Burghley with your eventing pals.

6.  You think your neighbor's Koi pool would make a cool water jump.

7.  You buy anything and everything that has your eventing colors.

8.  You fantasize about galloping on the local golf course.

9.  You "count strides" between cracks in the sidewalk while going for a walk.

10.  You pass stone walls, garden fences, highway dividers, and uprooted trees while driving down the road and think, "Wow! That would make a cool jump."